parisjemm:

A relationship is like a house

If a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.

Unless that house is a lying whore

Then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.

theyuniversity:

We give a f*** about an Oxford comma.
Like this post

rambozus:

itsmemorized:

Oh my GOD
My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes “like a cheaply made castle” and we were like what and he goes “no ballroom”
GRANDPA NO

Grandpa yes.

jackanthonyfernandez:

She was letting the guards know who she wanted to take out

bleachdalilah:

thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

PLEASE EXPLAIN